Dear Computer,
Please stop being a whore. Make the internet settings work, and let me sign into Hotmail. If you aren't working by tomorrow I'm going to be heaps cut, because no one's going to be online and if I can't send them angsty e-mails I'll be really bored.
Also, while you're at it, could you clear yourself of viruses? I'm fine if you can't. I'm content with getting Hotmail working. But if you could do that it, it would be lovely.

Love, Catlin.